


Sojourn

by kimbleefucker (hihowareya)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: M/M, maes hughes (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hihowareya/pseuds/kimbleefucker
Summary: “I needed something to keep me there... to keep me stable. To feel like human contact wasn't some farce, that I... was even capable of being with another person, physically. That I didn't just destroy everyone I came in contact with.” He looked down at his own hands in disgust at his recollection of Ishval and his throat hitched. He swallowed hard and almost chuckled. “And maybe, there was a part of me that felt like I deserved it. To just fuck someone without any attachment, to not let myself build a connection. It wasn't like you ever held back.”





	Sojourn

**Author's Note:**

> roy and kimblee have a 3 am introspective convo this is inspo by a convo my friend and i had abt this scenario...

Roy's brief night out wasn't supposed to end this way. He'd left to buy a bottle of whiskey, and potentially stop at Madame Christmas' to crack it with her, but instead unlocked the door to his own apartment hours earlier than anticipated with an unopened bottle and unwelcome guest. 

Not unwelcome enough however because the whiskey was abandoned on the counter and even though Roy's brain screamed at him to tell Kimblee he was not interested in talking with him and he should just get out, it certainly didn't interfere when Roy felt hit with a wave of nostalgia when he buried his face into the shorter man's neck and inhaled deeply, drinking in his scent untainted with the smell of ash and blood. 

And so at 10:47 PM, Roy laid in bed beside his formerly fellow soldier, breathing heavily as he came down from his post-coitus arrhythmia. The last thing he remembered before passing out was Kimblee making a stupid comment about how pent up Roy must have been because he's sure he wont walk right tomorrow. Roy rolled his eyes and was asleep before they came full circle. 

He was certain he had been sleeping soundly when he was shook awake. Kimblee's voice sounded far away and he could almost drown it out. He tried, but Kimblee was persistent as always and continued until Roy was hobbling into the dining area of his apartment. He wondered if Kimblee had slept at all, he didn't seem groggy, but he always looked so exhausted. 

Roy's apartment was, in a word, drab. One might expect from his bachelor persona that it would be adorned with colors and charming accessories, but it was uncharacteristically empty. He never really had a need to show it to anyone. 

Yet, here he was making coffee at three in the morning for a man he might have liked to have forgotten. 

He set one cup down in front of Kimblee, and held the other in his own hand. In between them he placed the unopened bottle of whiskey, almost a silent challenge to see who would top off their drink first. 

Roy sat across from his guest and and swallowed hard at the uncomfortable silence. Of course he was the only one uncomfortable; Kimblee rarely experienced discomfort. His cold blue eyes locked onto Roy's and he watched him carefully. Roy refused to make eye contact and studied the way Kimblee's slender fingers held the handle of the cup, the way he lightly tapped against it with the well-filed curved nail of his pinky finger. Roy finally broke the silence and set the mug down with a loud clatter and hard swallow. 

“So, did you intend to keep me up all night just to sit in silence or did you have something you wanted to say?” He tried to keep his tone even, but his aggravation seeped in.

“Not at all. I simply missed your company, is that not a good enough reason to want to spend time with you? Time awake time with you?” Kimblee blinked softly and seemed to stare absently into the heavy cup in his hand. “Not that I haven't enjoyed your company thus far.” There was a smugness in his voice that didn't reflect on his face and it made Roy feel uneasy.

“That's rich. I know you well enough to know nothing you do is without purpose. There's a reason for everything.”

“I think wanting to spend time with you is a simple reason. Wasn't it Hughes who always said, 'the reasons are always simple'?” As soon as the name left his lips, Kimblee was taken aback at Roy's hand slamming on the table. 

“Don't ever talk about Hughes like you knew him, like you were anything to him.” Roy watched an expression he could only describe as surprise flit across the other alchemist's face at his sudden outburst, almost unsure how to respond. Of course, Kimblee was in prison when Hughes was...

“I... I'm sorry.” Roy quietly sank back into himself. He broke down first and reached for the whiskey on the table, pouring a generous amount into his coffee. Kimblee said nothing to him, only watched him carefully. Roy tethered himself with the sting of alcohol in his throat and spoke again. “Hughes was murdered, not long ago. Still don't know who did it.” His vision unfocused as he stared into the black of his mug.

“I see. That is a shame, he seemed like a reliable... friend.” Kimblee paused as if he couldn't decide what word to use, if thinking of him only as a soldier would be disrespectful. Of course, his interactions with Hughes were limited and infrequent, but he knew enough. He didn't have to be attached to his side to hear him gush about his girlfriend back home, about how determined he was to make it back from the war, how despite his lack of enjoyment of the work he never complained. He knew what he was getting into. Yes, Hughes' death truly was a loss. 

Kimblee brought the cup to his face and could smell the strong scent of coffee; it was cheap, nothing fancy or flavored. Nothing added. It tasted acceptable. 

“He was. He was a reliable friend... a loyal husband...” Roy's fingers tightened on the ceramic handle. “And... he was...” He seemed at a loss as he picked apart the verbiage to use to put into words what he felt, but of course words weren't needed. Kimblee was, if nothing else, an excellent audience. It took no further explaining for him to understand Roy's feelings. 

“So then, you felt that strongly? How unfortunate, that he couldn't reciprocate...” Roy snapped up to meet Kimblee's eyes, cold as ever and locked onto his own. Of course Kimblee could tell, of course he knew. He always seemed to know. Roy gave up his avoidant language and sanctioned his dining room table as his confessional. 

“...Yeah. I mean, I guess I never really expected anything more... and it's not like he pushed me away, when he knew...” Roy shifted uncomfortably and leaned back in his chair, taking another long sip of his drink. He'd feel much more comfortable if he could get any sort of buzz going. “He knew... and he couldn't be that to me. But he was my best friend. I felt like since we'd gotten through that war we were invincible...” He smiled wryly and ran his hand through his hair. “When you come down, you come down hard, huh?” 

Kimblee's silence, Roy thought, was his respectfulness playing in and he almost spoke again when Kimblee finally did respond after a quiet laugh.

“Tell me, was I your stand in?” His tone conveyed playfulness, inappropriate and cruel, but not unexpected. He was as Roy had always remembered him. Roy narrowed his dark eyes at him.

“What are you asking?”

“I'm asking if my role in your time in Ishval was to be your pinch hitter.” The idea almost sounded entertaining to him and Roy couldn't parse if Kimblee was picking at him in offense or simple toying. Roy scowled as the meaning behind Kimblee's words sank in.

“No. What I did with you those years ago-”

“Those hours ago.” Kimblee corrected him, Roy ignored him.

“-It wasn't because I couldn't be with Hughes. It wasn't so I could pretend I was with Hughes. I would have done it if I had never even met him. It was different.”

Kimblee tilted his head slightly, a thoughtful smile gracing his lips and he considered Roy. A lock of his long hair slipper over his shoulder, his ponytail long since untied in their aggressive coupling. Roy wondered how long he'd let it stay down.

“I needed something to keep me there... to keep me stable. To feel like human contact wasn't some farce, that I... was even capable of being with another person, physically. That I didn't just destroy everyone I came in contact with.” He looked down at his own hands in disgust at his recollection of Ishval and his throat hitched. He swallowed hard and almost chuckled. “And maybe, there was a part of me that felt like I deserved it. To just fuck someone without any attachment, to not let myself build a connection. It wasn't like you ever held back.” Yes, he was accustomed to Kimblee's mid-sex-lectures.

Kimblee set the mug on the table and leaned his elbow next to it, resting his chin on the palm of his hand, solar tattooed array set firmly against his narrow jaw. 

“You know there are much healthier coping mechanisms for dissociation and self loathing than meaningless sex.” The corner of his mouth twitched into his signature smirk. Roy scowled in return.

“I know that. You don't need to patronize me. Besides, just because you were looking to let someone 'meaninglessly' fuck you doesn't-”

“I never said it was meaningless for me.” Kimblee's half lidded eyes narrowed further as he stared, unblinking at Roy. The Flame Alchemist closed his mouth and stopped where he started. He should know better than to not tread carefully around Kimblee. “Nothing I have ever done is without judicious consideration. You'd do well to remember that.” His smirk softened to a smile one might almost call gentle.

“No offense, but that doesn't make me feel better.” Roy retorted. “I don't gain anything from knowing I was one of your experiments.” Kimblee shrugged lightly.

“Suit yourself.” They sat in silence for a while, drinking coffee, accompanied only by the sounds outside Roy's window. Kimblee set the empty mug down first. “You know, even after not having it for years, caffeine really does not affect me.” He stood up and looked at Roy, who said nothing. “Would you prefer I leave now?”

Roy had to carefully consider this question, this offer. He tossed ideas in his head before downing his cup suddenly. 

“No, stay. I'll be in in a minute.” 

“Wonderful.”


End file.
